Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I Met You Once

Sometimes I come across as kind of a dick. Let me explain myself.

 I might be in a situation when someone wants to introduce me to a person or I have to meet someone. This is all fine... unless I'm never going to see that person regularly. What I'm trying to say is that I don't like having acquaintances. Whenever you see that person again, all they have to talk about is whatever was going on in your life when you met them.

Let's pretend for a minute, that I've ever said a funny thing in my life. I know it's hard but try. (That's what she said) Let's pretend that when an acquaintance and I met, I said something funny or memorable about my crippling fear of spiders. This is all the acquaintance knows about me. So months or years later when we  happen across each other again, acquaintance says something like, "Run into any spiders lately?" I don't remember our first conversation anymore; it's not that I'm mean or don't genuinely care about you, it's just that I have other things going on in my life; a lot of other things, actually.

It's just that conversations with acquaintances are always so awkward and I feel that they really much be awkward for both parties.

So you see, I'm not a total dick. I would just much rather be friends rather than acquaintances. Either that, or we can meet once and never cross paths again. It's all I'm asking.

Another thing I've noticed that's extremely awkward and therefore on the topic at hand, is elevators. Often times they are located in lobbies of buildings near a reception desk of some sort. So you walk into said lobby and what do you really have to say to the receptionist but "Hello." "How are you?" and "Have a good day"? Now granted sometimes you'll have to ask where something is or some other related question, but I'd venture to say that in most situations you're not going to have much of a conversation with this person.

So here's the awkward part. You walk into the lobby, say your hellos and how are yous while you're walking to the elevator. Then you push the button and wait in awkward silence for the elevator to make its way to you. I think elevators know this too, because they always seen to take longer when you find yourself in one such awkward situation.

Then when the doors finally to open, there's a single fat, hairy guy standing there, also going up seventy-five floors. So you walk in, because really, what else are you going to do? The elevator doors slowly close locking you in this small, cramped space with the largest man you've ever seen off a motorized cart at Walmart. Up you go in silence. It takes minutes you're sure and this guy is standing unreasonably close to you.

You try to think of something to say but all that comes to mind is, "This is the slowest elevator ever!" You can't say that, it will only make the situation worse, and so, the silence remains, until at last the doors open and you're finally free to go on your way making a mental note to take the stairs next time, it's more healthy anyway.

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