Saturday, February 11, 2012

Guys Think It's Funny; Girls Never Will

There are things in this world that the males of our human race will always think is funny, and ladies, you will never fully understand. It's not that we're stupid or that you're stupid; it's just something in the way we're all wired.

Number 1: The Three Stooges

This is a Copyrighted Image. I do not own it!
Now I know there's a few of you ladies reading this right now, saying to yourself, or if you're in the bathroom you're then saying it to every woman ever, "But  Sean, I like the Three Stooges." To this I say simply, "No you don't."

I'm sure you've watched the show before, enjoyed it, and even maybe laughed, but I also know that you didn't laugh as hard, or as frequently, or with the utter glee as any man or boy would watching that same movie. And again, let me stress, I don't think there's anything wrong with you ladies or that there's anything wrong with us as men... in this situation; it's just the way it is.

I know that you're now waiting for an explanation from me as to why girls don't think The Three Stooges is funny. This is want I've come up with. Ready?

I don't know!

I'm sure there's a highly scientific explanation for this phenomenon. The problem with this, of course, is that it's highly scientific. Therefore, I'm not the guy to explain it. I'm only here to tell you the facts. And, ladies, the fact of the matter is you don't think The Three Stooges is funny.

Number 2: Farts

Also not my image.
I once wrote a essay about farts, trying to pin point exactly what is funny about them. I categorized them by them by name according to the sound they made. BERT, ERNIE, PAT, and JEFF. Bert is loud and in your face. Ernie is the type that squeaks out. Pat is short and quiet. Jeff is the covert fart, you probably won't even hear him, but you'll know when he's been there. There were also graphs detailing how long a fart will be funny based on it's smell. The problem with this essay is that I never actually pin pointed the reason farts are funny. I left the essay with the decision or realization that farts are not funny for one particular reason but for every reason they have to throw onto the table.

They make funny noises. They smell bad. They come from your butt! They are slightly taboo. There is also a warning I gave to all men then, and I likewise give it now: "The smell of a fart releases a chemical in the female brain which makes the said female instantly and violently angry. NEVER FART IN FRONT OF A GIRL!

Girls, again, you may think that because you laughed at a fart once means you think they are funny. I'm here to tell you that you're dreadfully wrong. You don't understand the humor of a fart and you never will. Don't get mad, it's not your fault, it's not my fault; it is nobodies fault.

Number 3: Taking Pictures of Your Friends on the Toilet

This IS my Image!
Bathroom doors come with locks. This is a fact, but the locks are not there for the purpose you might be assuming. There are locks on the doors of bathrooms to act as your last line of defense between you and a picture of you on the toilet. You may be thinking that the person who put the lock on the bathroom door is your friend, but they're not! They put that lock on that door as false security. You see, you lock the  door thinking, "I'm Safe!" but all it takes to unlock that door from the outside is a screwdriver. They call it a "Safety Mechanism", but really it's just so your friends can be hilarious.

Don't worry though, you'll think it's funny, too! You see it's a known fact that, although there may be a struggle of some sort, ALL guys think toilet pictures are funny. Don't believe me?

Exhibit A.

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